I Just Felt Like Running

It seems surreal that only 24 hours ago, I was running through the streets of New York City. It exceeded every expectation I had of what it would be like to run the ING NYC Marathon.

My morning started off with a casual caravan of NYPD and FDNY runners being taken to Staten Island. That in itself was an honor. It was even more of an honor running with the Leary Firefighters Foundation.We all talked about how nervous we all were and how we were all convinced that we would forget how to run or our bodies would sabotage us somehow. Waiting - the worst part was the waiting. It was cold, windy and the longest two hours ever.

But, the waiting pays off. When you are called onto the Verrazano Bridge, it all hits you at once. This is the moment you've been training for. After the cannon blast, you hear the cymbal kicking off New York, New York and it is so hard to maintain composure. You laugh and cry at the same time and then you realize, you have to start running.

Crossing the Verrazano Bridge, which is the first two miles of the course, is spectacular. Seeing an NYPD helicopter at eye level, watching you safely cross the bridge in unforgettable. It's at this point that you realize that there will be so many more moments like this for you during the race. This is one of only a handful of times that there will be no spectators. First stop - Brooklyn.

 

Brooklyn is where the crowds begin. And to start off my Fourth Avenue Experience seeing my husband and friends was incredible!! Thank you so much!! And this is where the crowds and the music begin. Mile 3 is in Bay Ridge, my hood. And to see so many familiar faces is great! The bands along the route are also what keep you going. No iPod in this race for me. The Band's Ophelia kept me smiling at mile 4.

When I reached mile five, and passed the man running with a cross attached to his back, I started to have my Forrest Gump moment. In my head, Jackson Browne was singing, but the people of Fourth Avenue were cheering me on. So many bands along this part of the course. I heard everything from Billy Joel, the Rolling Stones and even Ozzy. And you cheerathoners, I have to say, when you see our names, you come up with some creative cheers for us - in all languages.

At Lafayette, you merge with your fellow runners into a narrow strip of energy! Not only seeing so many friends here, you see an entire congregation singing to you! Tons of energy through this part of the race. This might have been my favorite section of the run. Bedford Avenue through Hipsterville - was second. Incredible energy down these streets.

We were coming up to the 13 mile mark which meant we had conquered two boroughs. The jog up the Pulaski Bridge is rough, but you Queens residents made us feel very welcomed!  I was told it would be quiet, but I discovered the opposite. We had lots of support up Vernon Boulevard, onwards towards the Bridge. I was met with a surprise shout out from a friend right before the bridge - and it definitely boosted my spirits. Other than hearing Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Right Round, I heard some Tom Petty, Runnin' Down a Dream. Just like Mr. Sinatra's New York, New York, I will never hear this song the same way again.

I was warned about the next part of the race: The 59th Street Bridge. What makes this so difficult is the unseen incline that seems to go on forever. The silence on the bridge is almost un-nerving. But, after you hit the crest and the decline begins, you hear life again and see signs greeting you that Welcome you to Manhattan and to the last ten miles of the race.

First Avenue is made of rolling hills, but also thankfully, thousands have stayed to cheer you on. Bars upon bars of well wishers greet you along the way. Around 85th, I remember hearing I will Survive and had to start laughing because I all could conjure  up in my mind was the scene from The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Dessert. I must have looked like a mad woman laughing down the Avenue.

The Bronx meet you with bagpipers and the Willis Avenue Bridge. I am borrowing this picture from my friend Janice ... this is what the Bronx looks like to a body nearing "the wall". Thankfully, slowing down a bit until we reached the Madison Avenue Bridge helped. As Ryan Ruiz wrote in his Daily Run blog post on running the Bronx it's just  Left. Right. Left-right-left. And-a-left-and-a-right. Sounds easy but you know you're at the brink of mile 21 and back into Manhattan.

When I ran onto Fifth Avenue and was able to see the Empire State Building in the distance, I began to cry. It was the best sight I think I had ever seen. I was almost there. The run through Harlem was inspiring and the crowds were out, still cheering us on. Around Marcus Garvey Park, they were playing some Aretha, just enough to keep us on a good pace. for our final push to Central Park.

That final run up and then down Fifth Avenue is what you've trained for. You can taste the finish line at this point. The crowds were still so strong, and thank you to everyone single one of you, who called out my name and pushed me through to 90th Street.

We entered the park and now you can feel it. And my first comment was how absolutely gorgeous the fall leaves looked as our backdrop. I enjoyed running down Cat Hill but I knew that final hill was approaching at 72nd. And let me tell you something. I never realized how long Central Park South really is. I really thought at one point they had us on a treadmill that was going in the opposite direction.

But, finally, the towers of the Time Warner Building told me it was finally time as I made a right turn back into Central Park. We were met with the yellow line accompanying the blue line, to show support for Boston. Then you see the 26 miles sign, followed by signs to count down the final yards. And then you see the finish line. There are no trumpets and no bells, just the sound of all of those around you thankful to have finished. My dear friend was in the park and saw me finish. So happy to have her there taking the picture of me with my medal!!

What does it feel like - it feels like this:

 The day after, you feel like it was all a dream (well, depending on how well you worked on your recovery). The run down Fourth Avenue feels like you imagined it, and the Pulaski Bridge didn't feel too steep after all.

For the past 16 weeks, I joked that I was also married to the marathon. I have the most incredible, amazing support from my husband. He put up with me going to bed early, waking up even earlier, nerves, tears, and doubts. I could not have done this without his encouragement and support. Seeing him along the route was so special, since I knew he logistically had quite the feat ahead of him as well to catch up to me.

Friends and family, you too are such a support network for me. You listen to me go on and on about running. You give advice and also support when I need it most. It really does take a village to help a marathoner cross that finish line.

No Retreat, Baby, No Surrender...



January 1, 2012 seems like such a forever ago. When I promised you the year of music I had no idea what a crazy year it would be.  It has been filled with music, beaches, achievements, surreal events, action figure shenanigans and more music. I will try and re-cap as much as possible without writing a novel.

Polar Bear - Dixons Vixens style

So let us start at midnight of this fine year - shall we?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6hfNdHdAtg The year of music kicked off with Ukrainian gypsy punk heavy metal polka accordion madness. The first half of the year was spent going to see Levon Helm at the Ramble, Umphreys McGee, Primus, The Lt. Dan Band, a Levon Helm Tribute at the Brooklyn Bowl and Dana Fuchs. The first half of the year was also spent with the crazy notion that I could actually run a marathon (ha!). Looking back at my life through May 12th - this seems laughably so simple.

Post - Pittsburgh Marathon was spent seeing From Good Homes, becoming fast friends with a four year old at the beach because we both love action figures and gummi bears and the Carlson Bethel to the Beach Dave Matthews and Umphreys McGee tour extravaganza (complete a late night taco binge on the Asbury Park boardwalk. There was MacBeth at Lincoln Center and Roger Waters at Yankee Stadium where meter maids became the topic of conversation somehow on the way home.  And  to end out July, my beloved children's burn survivor camp was another year of accomplishments, candy and wishing more young adults good luck as they embarked on a new adventure in life. I couldn't imagine a year without such inspiring children and counselors.  

After camp, it was supposed to go like this: train for the marathon. Run the marathon. Relax. HA! I tell, you HA!

The second after I finished my first Guinness following the Pittsburgh Marathon - before the endorphins wore off, I pledged to run the NYC Marathon any way I could. The thought of what I had accomplished in a city I adored so much made me want to run the city I LOVE even more. The Team Leary Firefighters Foundation was my answer. The first race I ever ran was the Worcester 6K for the six firefighters lost in a 1999 fire. The Foundation was born to memorialize those firemen.

Fundraising was quite humbling and I cannot thank everyone enough for their generosity. $3000 raised for the Leary Foundation with thanks to friends, family and some wonderful Dixons Vixens. Training, equipment, resources - priceless if it saves one life. My training runs were focused on those who gave monetarily and those who gave inspirationally. The thought of running the streets of NYC and with my NYC specific running play list gave me chills. The thought of hearing the wall of sound at First Avenue gave me strength to make 10 miles 20.

August 18th marked the 5th anniversary of the loss of two firemen from Soho's Engine 24 Ladder 5. It marked the fifth year without seeing my friend Bobby's enigmatic and cheshire smile. I can only wish I live the rest of my life as giving as he was (and as mischievous as well). Time does really fly by when you get older. It still seems like yesterday that I spoke to him.  

My favorite month of October began and the reality of the 26.2 began to set in. I have one more long run to complete before taper time. Time to get serious, not get injured and focus on the finish line. So, I treated myself to an amazing tribute to Levon Helm on October 3rd. With acts such as Gregg Allman, Roger Waters, My Morning Jacket, Grace Potter and so many many more - the love that filled the Ramble Studios in Woodstock invaded the Meadowlands of Jersey. Up to this point I thought it would be the high point of entertainment of the year.                                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh86qu7WtFY

I flashbacked to the 1990s to see Adam Ant at the Best Buy - not to be disappointed at all. He had been battling demons and I am proud to say he is back. He sounds better than he did in the 1990s (Although apologies that my video did not sound as good). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJ5kXej3FeA

The month of October also brought the five year anniversary of being married to my best friend. I never realized how much I could not only love someone, but how much two people could go through together and grow as a couple. We celebrated with a long weekend in the North Fork of Long Island with food, wine and some Walking Dead watching. Little more than a week away, who know how a storm in the ocean would change everyone's lives.

 So put yourself in my shoes. You've committed the last three months of your life training  -  people have donated money to help you achieve this goal. But off in the distance, a cloud appears. A cloud of doubt. At first nagging, then it becomes a permanent fixture in the frontal lobe. While everyone is wishing you well on a race that is a week away. All you can think about is the forecast. Its the one you've trained for, been warned about and know will impact lives like never before. I could not allow myself to get excited about running when I knew all of my energy would be needed for a superstorm. I knew I would have to make a major decision.

All of the things that go into a perfect storm - did. The right phase of the moon, the landfall location, low pressure systems and cold fronts and for all I know, the belt of Orion aligned with Jupiter. It was happening. The sea was going to get angry. As the storm became more and more evident to be more of the monster that they promised, I truly believe I had made up my mind. There was no way I was going to selfishly ask for days off to run 26.2 miles. This I had decided when I heard the tidal departure 24 hours before the storm was to hit was already at phenomenal levels. Yes, I decided I wasn't running the NYC Marathon.

I was assigned to days and decided (because I knew) that I needed to listen to music before I wouldn't have a chance, before the long days and short sleeps. As people were sleeping in shelters and the lights began to go out, midnight rolled around and I settled in my sleeping bag. I also knew that to sleep in a buzzing office, the headphones would be necessary.  The final song I heard before Sandy crashed into our shores was INXS, To Look at You. 



Breezy Point Beach 206 Street

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12jhX1zXi3k As the first notes echoed, I grabbed my blackberry to see what was going on outside. My heart sunk as I read about the dozens of houses on fire in Breezy Point.  Then I saw tweets from people being trapped in flood waters. Flashback to 2005 - New Orleans. The only difference was this time - we were the ones needing to be rescued.

The next eight days are a blur. The few things that do stand out are the following: 1) Seeing the first images of Breezy Point and the Rockaways 2) Seeing Lower Manhattan without power 3) Being ok with making a beer my dinner when I got home after the fourth day 4) Tweeting my decision to defer my 2012 NYC Marathon entry. 

It was and wasn't a big deal. I think people thought - how could she - she trained so hard. But I couldn't - not with what I knew about how much pain and suffering the city was going through. Little did I know that a simple tweet -- really just to get it out of the way and to let those who supported me know that I wasn't giving up -- a tweet that found its way into the hands of blogger for Runner's World. http://www.runnersworld.com/races/city-emergency-worker-defers-entry

 The reaction I got was mixed between Yeah, you did the right thing and Oh, I am so sorry. I was sorry that they had not cancelled. It was just not the right thing to do. We did not hold the Marathon less than one week after 9/11. It was two months. Holding the marathon so soon after Sandy would not show resilience but greed. I was happy it was cancelled -- and even happier that so many runners got on the Staten Island Ferry as planned on the morning of November 4th, armed with shovels, and hammers and food and water to help those who needed it most. 

Like I said, I knew music would be hard to come by and I was even too tired to enjoy it. When I did have that first moment to breathe - on the subway home on night - I decided it was time.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMKC32UA1gs   I chose Coldplay - Don't Panic. I wanted to listen to it based on a memory of Rockaway from the show Rescue Me. It was how I felt actually. We do live in a beautiful world - it was just all broken up and scattered around at the moment.

 

  Friends had lost their homes, bars we spent many a summer night were no longer there, the boardwalk that appears on pictures in our home - simply a memory. Driving out to Rockaway and Breezy for the first time were beyond humbling. The devastating power of water was beyond belief. Cement walls crumbled like cookies, houses perched on 1/4 of their foundation and blackened foundations proved to me how blessed I was that all I lost was Halloween, a marathon and a couple of days of sleep.

Music and writing would get me back to semi-normalcy. Right before the storm, I vowed to finish my screenplay (yes, the one I have been working on for 15 years). I was so close. I could totally through Cory in front of the bus for not finishing reading it - but it is totally on me. David, Abbi and Liam will have to wait and see what happens to their lives in 1998 Belfast until 2013.

Music, well, many saw the promise of a music year ... or as I like to now call it (totally stealing from U2's 1988's Rattle and Hum - It was a musical journey). First up, The Who. Damn, not a bad start back. I only wish the Robert Plant's body had aged as well as Roger Daltry's (Robert baby, I love you, you know that). It still strikes me when I am in the same room with rock and roll icons. Pete Townesend - I got to see the windmill live! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOCDHasFVXo  

On the concert high, I vowed to go see the 12.12.12 Sandy Benefit concert. How could I not? Decades of musical greatness and for benefit? I would have stood on my head all night to see those performers. Biggest shock of who stole the crowd - Bon Jovi. Hands down, the Jersey boys had everyone singing like they were 17 again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hboNt8v2kS8 Biggest disappointment - where were all the women? Alicia Keyes was phenomenal but what about some more women next time to show those boys we can rock it too! Biggest surprise was Michael Stipe singing Losing My Religion with Coldplay's Chris Martin                                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bzGmydDr1M  . You could tell his presence surprised everyone. I shrieked. I cried. This was the night I needed. Six hours of music, the heroes, selfless and the neighborhoods became the stars of the night. (Eric Clapton) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd_MY2ts00Y  (Roger Waters and Eddie Vedder) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24-v1A77Yl4

What, you think I am done? I had an upcoming birthday to celebrate so of course - more music (since I could not longer count on the Steelers to beat the Cowboys, I needed all the happiness I could get). I witnessed my first Bitter End midnight jam - with musicians that should be the ones selling out the Garden and Roseland. They love their craft, something very evident as soon as they take the stage. I believe I heard the best version of Into the Mystic I have ever heard live, sung by five people who had never before played a note together. Do yourself a favor - take off a Tuesday night and check out the midnight jam session at the Bitter End.

As if I had not tired of Sandy enough, more benefits were to be had! A Love Letter to NYC - A Sandy Benefit was to be held at the City Winery (let the Winery part be highlighted). Dinner at Walkers moved along to a very close seat to the stage. Nicole Atkins, Matisyahu  Joan Osborne and some new artists that are on my iTunes wishlist played heartfelt tributes to the city and shore still marred by devastation. The highlight was definitely getting to hang out with a truly inspiring woman - who (not sure if I told her this) gave me the best compliment of the year on a review I wrote for her. Highlight - even after four bottles of Spring Street wine.

Birthday week was sponsored by a man I have been supporting for 20 years - Dave Matthews. Even though we saw him in Bethel, seeing him in Brooklyn was pretty damn special. Dave, you put on one of the top shows of my year. Grey, Jimi, and Two Step were energized,heartfelt and powerful. And starting with When the World Ends on the December 21st show - pure genius.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTD2s9tm3xk



Daryl Dixon and Elf on the Shelf
 (Liam Greenberg, Suzie's Brother)

Christmas was spent with friends, feasting and drinking moonshine (I see a new tradition). The year was finally coming to a close, but of course the year of music would have to not whimper but go out with a bang. New Year's music marathon was going to be spectacular.

December 29th was at Madison Square Garden to get my Phish on. Nervous about the previous night's review, I was not disappointed. They were tight, the crowd was totally into it and I got Suzy Greenberg - that is all I wanted.

So - confession - I had never seen Coldplay live. My husband's ringtone has been Yellow since 2004. Don't know why I never went but it was time to cross them off the list. By the time song number two, Hurts Like Heaven,  was played, I was sold. Between the amazing light show we were a part of and the energy and absolute humbleness of frontman Chris Martin, this was one of the best shows I have seen in years. I also have to brag that we had 21 songs and they only played 17 on New Year's Eve. Highlights were Yellow, Clocks and Chris trying to find a word to rhyme with Brooklyn. (Yellow)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g3yYkKgTm(InMyPlace) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7PLBZ23Wtk

 To round of the year, the trifecta of spending the New Year's with our friends Dark Star Orchestra. With family and friends in tow, we danced our way into the New Year. Franklin's Tower propelled out the old. Hard to believe that the year was over. Sad times, happy times, surreal times - history. Time to begin again.  2013 will again, of course, be the year of music. I am most looking forward to seeing the boys from Basildon, Depeche Mode, in the new year. As a matter of fact - they might be the one I travel for this year. 2013 also promises to be the year of running (again) as I have signed up for the Pittsburgh Half and will register for the NYC Marathon. I also promise to be more diligent in writing, if not my blog, my stories. I was able to finally allow Jory and Ileana to be finished this year and it is time to allow others to also enjoy a sense of fimality and allow others to be born.

Giving credit to Donnie for the idea -- here are the top ten live performances of 2012 that I caught in no order:

• Clocks - Coldplay December 30

• I Shall Be Released - Grace Potter October 3

• You're Time is Gonna Come - Dana Fuchs May 18

• The Song Remains the Same - Umphreys McGee July 28

• Losing My Religion - Chris Martin and Michael Stipe December 12

• Grey Street - Dave Matthews Band December 21

• Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant October 6

• The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down - Roger Waters and My Morning Jacket October 3

• Miami 2017 - Billy Joel December 12

• Yellow - Coldplay December 30

Happy New Year!!!! 

You need to work hard, show up everyday and be positive ~Lauren Beam