My September Soundtrack

 Summer in New York City in 2002 was still a lost time. I was still living blocks from the pit that was once the sprawling World Trade Center. I slept with constant light into my window from the diminishing piles that once towered over Church Street. We were still numb beyond hurt.

That hot summer, I turned to Bruce Springsteen and wondered what he could offer. The Rising has since been my album of therapy. It is my reminder of so many things: that I cannot look at a crisp, azure September sky and not think about that day; that soon not many will remember what life was like before Tuesday, September 11th; it reminds me of loneliness in the months before I met my fated husband; and it reminds me of smiles we will never see greet us again.

Many songs on the album directly relate to our feelings, our heroes, our losses and confusion after 9/11. Things that people wanted to say, but didn't know how. Whatever your feelings of Bruce Springsteen may be, this album was from the heart and for us.

And while the world is as scary as ever, let us remember how we pulled together on those terrifying days. Don't forget the sacrifices so many have made since that day - in the name of our freedom and our security.

Lord, take me where you want me to go, let me meet who you want me to meet, tell me what you want me to say, and keep me out of your way

~Father Mychal Judge, FDNY Chaplain

	Lonesome Day Hell's brewin' dark sun's on the rise This storm'll blow through by and by House is on fire, Viper's in the grass A little revenge and this too shall pass This too shall pass, I'm gonna pray Right now all I got's this lonesome day
	Into the Fire  I need your kiss, but love and duty called you someplace higher Somewhere up the stairs into the fire
	Waitin' on a Sunny Day It's rainin' but there ain't a cloud in the sky Musta been a tear from your eye Everything'll be okay
	Nothing Man I don't remember how I felt I never thought I'd live To read about myself In my hometown paper How my brave young life Was forever changed In a misty cloud of pink vapor
	Countin' on a Miracle I'm runnin' through the forest With this wolf at my heels My king is lost at midnight When the tower bells peal We've got no fairytale ending In God's hands our fate is complete Your heaven's here in my heart Our love's this dust beneath my feet
	Empty Sky I woke up this morning I could barely breathe Just an empty impression In the bed where you used to be I want a kiss from your lips I want an eye for an eye I woke up this morning to the empty sky
	You're Missing  God's drifting in heaven, devil's in the mailbox I got dust on my shoes, nothing but teardrops  The Rising  Can't see nothin' in front of me Can't see nothin' coming up behind I make my way through this darkness I can't feel nothing but this chain that binds me Lost track of how far I've gone How far I've gone, how high I've climbed On my back's a sixty pound stone On my shoulder a half mile line Come on up for the rising Come on up, lay your hands in mine Come on up for the rising Come on up for the rising tonight Left the house this morning Bells ringing filled the air Wearin' the cross of my calling On wheels of fire, I come rollin' down here

A Man Who Knew the Blues Too Well

"He just sort of kicked everybody's ass and nobody seemed to fight back," Jimmie remembered. "Stevie was on a cloud or something." Buddy Guy didn't know where it was coming from, just that whatever Stevie was doing worked a strange number on even him. "I had goose bumps," he said.  

August 26, 1990 Alpine Valley Wisconsin

August 27th, 1990, a foggy summer night, Stevie played at the Alpine Valley Amphitheater in Wisconsin before boarding a helicopter just after midnight that would never land at its final destination. Stevie left this world at the top of his game. He played the last song of that night with his heroes, Eric Clapton, Buddy Guy, Robert Cray and his brother Jimmie. He played the last song of his life surrounded by guitar players who would soon revere him as one of the best blues guitar players that ever lived.

Stevie Ray, I believe, was so good at playing the blues because he'd been to hell and came back to tell the world about it. He overcame addictions and a broken heart and was proud to tell anyone that God got him through it. He believed that music could heal - that music was a part of everyone's soul. I think that is so true.

For me, it's personal. It's also been just as many years years since my dad passed, and Stevie Ray helped me stay strong through tough days at the hospital and nights when the house seemed so empty and life so alone. You could hear the heartbreak, soul and passion in Stevie's guitar. Tin Pan Alley, Rivera Paradise and Lenny speak for him. Life Without You was my song of mourning, You Better Leave My Little Girl Alone was my security blanket, and Riviera Paradise was my song of meditation.

I think that saddest part about Stevie's death that he had made it from the bottom where he everyone was convinced he was going to die. Now, he was clean, in love, and playing the best he had ever played. He won the dance with the devil - only to be taken away by the angels.

I wish I had seen him play, to hear those notes sing in person, to watch his hands blur with the speed at which he played his emotions on his guitar Number 1. I cannot believe it has been so long since that day. I still cannot believe what emotions his music still brings to me, what memories they provoke.

Thank you, Stevie Ray Vaughan. You have unwittingly become a legend, one of the best blues guitarists that ever lived, an inspiration to those who face addictions and want to recover. To memorialize you, over 100 scholarships have been made possible for students who want music education in the Dallas area through events attended by fans such as myself. You will always be remembered.

Thank you for sharing your gift of music with us - we will never forget you.

"In the song 'Tick Tock,' he sings the refrain, 'Remember.' And what Stevie was trying to tell me, and I guess all of us.. he was trying to tell me, 'Nile, remember my music. Remember how important music is to all of us. And just remember that it's a gift.' Stevie was truly touched by the hand of God. He had a powerful gift. And through his music he can make us all remember things that are very, very important, like love and family. " ~ Nile Rodgers

So My Big Brother Was Playing Guitar And I Thought I'd Try It Too





Unknown Credit

August 26th marks the last day the world heard Stevie Ray Vaughan play Number One, his signature Fender Stratocaster, at Alpine Valley in 1990. Since Stevie Ray Vaughan's untimely and shocking passing, his influence and legendary status has only gained in momentum.

At the 2015 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction, the man who is responsible for Stevie Ray Vaughan ever picking up a guitar inducted his little brother. And the moment was not lost on Jimmy Vaughan. While he did talk about Stevie Ray sneaking around to play his big brother's guitar when told not to, he credited his brother's sobriety with saving his own life.

Whether it was his raw and emotional guitar playing or his truth about addictions, much can be said about Stevie Ray Vaughan's influence on people to change their lives for the better. From Bonnie Raitt to John Mayer, Stevie Ray can be attributed to helping them become clean and also become the best guitar players that they could be. He also influenced many to simply become the best person they could be. 

 

One has to wonder where in the musical world would Stevie Ray Vaughan be now? What other songs, such as Lenny, Riviera Paradise, or Pride and Joy would Stevie have gifted to us. He was the epitome of the blues. He hit the very bottom and rose to stardom, only to be lost so very young in such a tragic way. Sobriety found him loving life to the fullest and playing the best shows of his career.

In the time since Stevie's passing, a true testament to his staying power is how timeless his music is. His songs were not jockeyed for an era or a style of music. Stevie Ray played the blues. He lived and breathed the notes he played. Music was his passion and that was evident every time he picked up his guitar. 

Scottish singer, Sandi Thom, said that once after a gig at El Mocambo in Toronto, she was one of a handful of people left in the building. Off in the distance, she heard the unmistakable sound of Stevie Ray's guitar. She is not the first to have heard his signature heavy handed riffs when the lights are turned off. El Mocambo was a favorite venue for Stevie. She followed the sound, to see a shadowy figure in a room, hunched over playing guitar. Both he and the sound disappeared when she turned on the lights. In the end, we're all chasing the ghost of Stevie Ray Vaughan.   

It seems like to me that he’s just out on tour and he’s going to come back soon, but then I remember. I’m not going to ever get over losing him, I’m not going to get over this crazy thing.

~Jimmy Vaughan



My Love Affair with Stuart Alan Jones (First published Feb 12, 2017)

Nathan: And I'm not gonna change.
You know that, don't you?
Cos it isn't a phase.
I'm not gonna grow out of it.
I'm gonna be gay forever.

On February 23, 1999 a series based on the gay culture in Manchester's Canal Street area first aired in the UK. Queer as Folk UK ran for only two seasons, giving us only ten episodes, but it remains one of the foremost important shows for gay culture.* 

The main characters Stuart Alan Jones (Aidan Gillen), long time friend and Dr. Who loving Vince Tyler (Craig Kelly), and teenager Nathan Maloney (Charlie Hunnam) brought Canal Street culture into the mainstream for many.  Think about it, the thought of gay marriage seemed like something of a dream. Many of the stereotypes of gay culture were outed: one night stands, parties, and drugs. But it also confronted the conflicting moment of finally coming out with possibly one of the best scenes ever in television, if not for how Stuart comes out, but how he also exposes his nephew for being the creepy blackmailer that he is.  

For me, it was all Stuart Alan Jones. I had loved Aidan Gillen since I saw him in Some Mother's Son, but he made Stuart the hedonistic, self-absorbed, sad, confused gay man, father, lover, and enemy who blows up people's cars. The man, who in Episode Four said he wanted to "die shagging", became almost a gay superhero in this show.

He's not perfect, although he thinks he is. He's capable of having feelings of love, but fights them all the way. And there is no denying that he is definitely as sexy as he believes he is - and beyond. Seriously, have you seen him dancing? Have you seen that smile?  

Vince is a whole ball of confusion in the series. He truly does love Stuart, not like Nathan thinks he loves Stuart, but really loves him. He does wait for him to finally face the truth, after testing him with the older Cameron.

And last - Nathan. While controversy was abound about how young Nathan was for 29 year old Stuart, I think Nathan personified a generation fighting for acceptance just as he was. Teenagers are confused to begin with. Being gay and a teenager, knowing that once you come out people will both turn on you and accept you is undeniably terrifying. But Nathan seemed to have no fear and even risked his family's relationship. His relationship with Stuart and Vince was also, at times, a bit awkward.

Over twenty years have gone by since this show first aired. I would love to see where this story would begin now. Where is Nathan? Whatever became of Stuart and Vince in London? What would the shag map look like now, Stuart?

  

*The US version, based in Pittsburgh followed the end of this series and lasted for five seasons  on Showtime.  This series tackled serious LGBT topics such as HIV/ AIDs, gay bashing, adoption, and discrimination.