I Became a Visitor to Hell

Our boat touched sand and the ramp went down, I became a visitor to hell. I shut everything out and concentrated on following the men in front of me down the ramp and into the water.  -Pfc. Harry Parley, 116th Infantry Regiment, US 29th Division

June 6th marks the anniversary of Operation Overlord, the Allied Invasion of Normandy. D-Day, June 6, 1944, saw the beginning also of Operation Neptune, or the Allied Assault against German Forces. Thousands finally made their way towards France. The first assault began from the sky: 

I looked at my watch and it was 12:30. When I got into the doorway, I looked out into what looked like a solid wall of tracer bullets. I said to myself, 'Len, you're in as much trouble now as you're ever going to be in. If you get out of this, nobody can ever do anything to you that you ever have to worry about!

  --Pvt. Leonard Griffing, 501st Parachute Infantry Regiment, US 101st Airborne Division

It was a weird feeling, to hear those heavy shells go overhead. Some of the guys were seasick. Others, like myself, just stood there, thinking and shivering. There was a fine rain and a spray, and the boat was beginning to ship water. Still, there was no return fire from the beach, which gave us hope that the navy and the air force had done a good job. This hope died 400 yards from shore. The Germans began firing mortars and artillery. --Sgt. Harry Bare, 116th Infantry Regiment, US 29th Division

The invasion was postponed due to bad weather the day before. Mere boys were going into the unknown. Their lives would forever be changed once they found ground and began to fight.

There was this barbed wire area and a wounded officer who had stepped on an antipersonnel mine calling for help. I decided that I should go. I walked in toward him, putting each foot down carefully and picked him up and carried him back. That was my baptism. It was the sort of behavior I expected of myself.

--Lt. Elliot Richardson, medical detachment

... the craft gave a sudden lurch as it hit an obstacle and in an instant an explosion erupted.... Before I knew it I was in the water.... Only six out of 30 in my craft escaped unharmed. Looking around, all I could see was a scene of havoc and destruction. Abandoned vehicles and tanks, equipment strung all over the beach, medics attending the wounded, chaplains seeking the dead. --Pvt. Albert Mominee, 16th Infantry Regiment, U.S. 1st Division

Face downward, as far as eyes could see in either direction, were the huddled bodies of men living, wounded, and dead, as tightly packed together as a layer of cigars in a box.... Everywhere, the frantic cry, 'Medics, hey, Medics' could be heard above the horrible din. --Maj. Charles Tegtmeyer, Surgeon, 16th Infantry Regiment, U.S. 1st Division.

These men were faced with something training could never teach them. The sheer destruction, bodies being blown apart, men crying for their mother's - you cannot teach that, nor can you get over that horrid memory. But they moved on and conquered that beach. Once the beach was taken, the invasion moved inward to Western Normandy and cities like Caen.

News of the invasion was announced to the millions whose lives hung in the balance. The allies were coming to help. 

This is D-Day,' the BBC announced at 12 o'clock. 'This is the day.' The invasion has begun!... Is this really the beginning of the long-awaited liberation? The liberation we've all talked so much about, which still seems too good, too much of a fairy tale ever to come true?... the best part of the invasion is that I have the feeling that friends are on the way. Those terrible Germans have oppressed and threatened us for so long that the thought of friends and salvation means everything to us! -- Anne Frank, diary entry, June 6, 1944

It is reported that 2,499 Americans and 1,914 allied forces died that day alone. By the end of the operation itself, the United States lost 

29,000 soldiers, with another 106,000 wounded and missing; the United Kingdom lost 11,000 dead and 54,000 wounded and missing; Canada: 5,000 dead; 13,000 wounded and missing.

Tom Hanks famous line from Saving Private Ryan, "I'll See you on the beach", begins what for many, was the most factual and true movie vision of war that anyone had ever seen. War is hell.

I remember going to see Saving Private Ryan at the Richland Mall in Johnstown. The theatre was filled with veterans - and I couldn't have been prouder of my father. It took me into a world I could only see in his eyes. While he didn't leave for England on August 11th of 1944, he would land on Utah beach by August 24th, the sand clean of the remnants of D Day. He and his brothers would go on to fight in the Battle of the Bulge.

Friends, show your kids Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers, Flags of Our Fathers, The Pacific, Masters of the Air, or Memphis Belle when they are old enough. Take them to the World War II Memorial, cemeteries, even a Veterans Day parade. Show them pictures. Please, I beg you, don't let the importance of these days, June 6th, December 7th, or December 16th become forgotten dates. It is my legacy, I know, easy for me to be so easily swept up in the importance because I have such a close relation to it. But it is our history-something we should be so very proud of. Our fathers, uncles, grandfathers, and even our grandmothers had an important part of the history of not only our country but of the world we live in.

My Uncle and Father - France, 1944

Quotes made possible by the national WWII Museum.

There Is The Moon Asking To Stay: Jeff Buckley

(c) MerriCyrr

 He had a way of playing the most beautiful song you've ever heard and still with the way that he sang, create a bit of an uncomfortable edge to it if he felt like it - mostly with his voice. ~ Chris Cornell

It was during summer classes of my sophomore year  at college. During my daily ritual of drinking a diet coke and watching MTV News for breakfast, I heard the news. Kurt Loder was talking about some guy named Jeff Buckley that had gone missing. Erroneously, I first thought he meant Jeff Beck. Who was Jeff Buckley, I kept asking myself while trying to study for an exam on Canterbury Tales ... who the hell is Jeff Buckley.

Fast forward three years later and I am in the gym  at Macquarie University in Sydney when I hear it. It was a voice I had never heard and he was singing Leonard Cohen. I had not made the connection in my memory yet when they mentioned his name: Jeff Buckley.

I rushed to the mall and right into the record store (God I miss those). I went right to the B's and found a few of his albums and went to the counter. As the lovely lady was scanning my purchases she mentioned how sad it was that he died so young. Heartbroken, I took my purchase back to our flat as I began to listen to Grace for the very first time, clearly marking a moment in my life as before and after I had listened to Grace. Then I finally remembered where I had heard his name before. 

May 29th marks the anniversary of when Jeff sang Whole Lotta Love while wading into the Wolf River for a swim. Three days previous, he had played his final show at Barristers in his new home city of Memphis. At 30 years of age, he left behind a gaping whole of need. With his first release Grace throttling him into celebrity and into a world where his heroes were praising him, there was now an emptiness of what could have been. 

(c) MerriCyrr

Twenty plus years on and Jeff is still somehow not as well known as many would assume. But those who are fans, were quickly caught up in the aura of Jeff and a bit of the mystique of who he was. While he fought those who tried to make the connection to his very absentee father, Tim Buckley, the physical and musical similarities were too obvious. Like many before him, he fought celebrity, playing under fake names just to play a show without being Jeff Buckley.

If you listen to Sketches, you quickly realize he was going to be like U2, changing his sound as he went along. Would it have been the one last nail in that red glitter coffin? I doubt it, but companies wanted Grace Part 2 and Jeff was not going to deliver that. 

Jeff Buckley was a complete package deal: looks, talent, and the equally talented musician father. His death rounded out and solidified what is now his mythic status. As of the music gods gave him back, he was found floating at the end of Beale Street on June 4th. 

The community of those who adore Jeff seems to grow slowly, but not at an Elvis level. In truth, it really is his life and not his tragic death that is celebrated. But to truly honor Jeff, we need to celebrate and remember his music. But not just Hallelujah. Listen to Mojo Pin, What Would You Say, or his glorious cover of The Way Young Lovers Do and appreciate Jeff for what he was: an artist. 

How do you want to be remembered?

Jeff: As a good friend. I don't really need to be remembered...I hope the music's remembered.

(c) MerriCyrr

Sap: Wonder How the Color Taste - Alice in Chains

Sap to this day remains one of the most underappreciated albums from the grunge era. Hidden between two indelible albums, Facelift and Dirt, the early 1992 release somehow snuck in almost unnoticed. Okay, it's technically an EP but it is so good it is album worth.

Layne Staley encouraged Jerry Cantrell to sing on this album that shares credit space with Ann Wilson, Chris Cornell, and Mudhoney's Mark Arm. Lyrically, it is a song about relationships. Musically, the harmonies that are complex yet still retains simplicity making this album a gift to the music senses.


Brother
Written by Cantrell about their parents divorce when his brother went to live with their dad. Gorgeous backing accompaniment by Ann Wilson. 

Roses in a vase of white
Bloodied by the thorns beside the leaves
That fall because my hand is
Pulling them hard as I can

Got Me Wrong

I can't let go
Threadbare tapestry unwinding slow
Feel a tortured brain
Show your belly like you want me to  

Strong lyrics that show more than tell about how we often mistake each other in relationships. 

Right Turn
Credited to Alice Mudgarden, this brilliant chorus of super talent makes you forget this song was performed by the band that brought you Man in a Box. Mark Arm is like the chanter on this song to Chris's full on bag pipe wail. A triad of perfection when Layne, Mark, and Chris round robin the final verses.

Well it's hard to believe that somebody tricked you
When you can see you were only high
It's all up to you so you gamble
Flat on your face and into the fire  

Am I Inside
Layne's solo start makes it feel like you're inside someone's head, hearing the loneliness. Ann Wilson's backing is again tempered slowly towards the end creating the cathartic need this song is begging for.  Lyrically, Yoda proud would be of this song. 

 Black is all I feel, so this is how it feels to be free
Surrounded by empty souls, artificial courage used
And because so, once was mine
I walk this maze alone

Love Song
The 90's were known for their hidden tracks. This gem does not disappoint. Filled with bodily sounds, bull horn lyrics, chanting, and la de da type melody, this song is a conundrum. Jerry Cantrell even said to Guitar World at the time that "this was the most bizarre song they ever recorded" ... and that is saying a lot!

I Will Never Let Your Words Be Washed Away: Michael Hutchence

It's so strange
How my life's changed
I know nothing
About the people that I touched 

~Possibilities

Released December 14, 1999 This self-titled posthumous solo debut from the INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence was a reminder of not only this singer's talents but also his pain. The album is a testament to the music that inspired many of the INXS songs that you may be familiar with. Soul, jazz, R&B permeate each song with the pop and rock sounds you would expect to hear from this Aussie rock icon.

The album does not disappoint, even for those fans expecting to hear INXS sounds. It is sultry and funky with lyrics that paint a picture of a rock star haunted by stardom, paparazzi, and his life's circumstance at the time. Songs like Possibilities and Slide Away are jazz smooth but lyrically sharp edges of pain and doubt.

This is our letter in a bottle, a snapshot of Michael's mind. His songwriting ability never wavered and he never got into the habit of making songs that sound like INXS. Michael made strong emotional and edgy songs even back in the Max Q days. Michael Hutchence was a song writer not just a pop icon.

Many questions remain about what could have been. Would Michael have embarked on a solo tour post twenty- year INXS reunion? Would he have ever found his true happiness? 

Oh the possibilities...

Let Me Show You

Possibilities

Get on the Inside

Fear

All I’m Saying

A Straight Line

Don’t Save Me From Myself

She Flirts For England

Flesh and Blood

Put The Pieces Back Together

Breathe

Slide Away

Be the Song That You Hear in Your Head ... Appreciating U2's POP

Released in March of 1997, Pop is probably one of the most despised of U2's albums, but I love it. First and foremost, it was a huge risk on U2's part. They had just come off a huge tour and poor reception to Achtung Baby's follow up album, Zooropa. It was far different from anything people heard. But I always felt there was something there. With time, this album has aged gracefully. Okay, maybe not the lemon spaceship and muscle shirts. 

The lyrics are heavy; a lot of contemplation, but at the same time, serious fun with a more mature tone. Hanging with Frank Sinatra pre-recording this album definitely translated into some of these vibes. 

Let's review - one of U2's least liked albums, Pop.

Discothèque
So this song confused the hell out of people. Maybe it was Bono's mid-mid life crisis after he had the existential Machphisto

mid-life crisis, Discothèque was an interesting choice to open the album too because there is nothing else on the album like it. And then there is the video --  



Do You Feel Loved
Bono really experimented with lyrics on this album - it isn't clear exactly what this song is about, some say ecstasy, others Bono's fame and fan worship of him, and then other always point to religion. Whatever it is, Adam Clayton is getting some bass love on this album.

Mofo
Bono always seems to pen one song about his mother who was lost to him at a very young age. This song might be the most revealing about Bono -  as it captures so many questions of his existence, sans mother, including filling the void of her loss, his religion, and becoming a father. It also includes many artistic references that many will miss including two quotes from both Salman Rushdie and William Butler Yeats.


If God Will Send His Angels
A beautiful song that never got the recognition it deserved. It is full of so many vivid images of the world we live in, the despair, hope, and questions of the world and the spirituality that many question everyday. Again, Bono goes after faith and the selling of religion, the commercialization of it, and the loss of its true meaning.

Does love...light up your Christmas Tree
The next minute your blowing a fuse
And the cartoon network turns into the news

Staring at the Sun
Bono again goes with the internal review of self with this song. It's catchy, acoustic, and again bass heavy. Let's look at the title alone - what happens when you stare at the sun? Everyone does it right, because you're not supposed to. I'm not the only one whose happy to go blind, Bono sings. We do what we aren't supposed to and then tell others not to do it. Will we ever live in peace? 'Cause those that can't do often have to, Those that can't do often have to preach. It's as much a song about practicing what you preach as it is about looking past the burning blindness of the sun and seeing the real truth. See, I told you this album was deep.

Last Night on Earth
While the video seems very apocalyptic, it's semi-obvious that it is probably about Paul Yates, ex-wife of Bob Geldof, lover of Michael Hutchence, and tabloid fodder. This is what gave it away for me:

She's not waiting on a savior to come
She's at a bus stop with the News of the World
And the
Sun
Sun here it comes
She's not waiting for anyone

The tabloids, News of the World, the Sun and a sad prediction:

The future is so predictable
The past is too uncomfortable

Gone
This is a very rock and roll song and a special one for such a family man. Bono wrote this about loving rock but missing his family while on the road. And again, praise the bass lords on this album.

Miami
This is a silly little ditty, no message but relaxing on the beach.

The Playboy Mansion
There are blurred lines here between the heaven of Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion and the religious heaven. It's a little Vegas at time's and you can feel Bono channeling the Riviera Hotel's  vibes in this song. And again, our sneaky song writers show that years of study at Mount Temple. Then will there be no time for sorrow, then will there be no time for pain is a reference to Revelations 21:4 - curious blurred reference indeed.

If You Wear the Velvet Dress
This is a haunting song about the moments of temptation and the morning after when life seems more clear than the moon that casts shadows and false images:

Sunlight
Sunlight fills my room
It's sharp and it's clear
But nothing at all like the moon

 

Please
A very timely and foreshadowing song, Please was written about the Northern Ireland Peace Process. It's about the love of country that gets people killed. Love is hard, love is though but love is not what you're thinking of. While written and recorded in 1997, in 2001, the following lines would echo in our ears, an eerie premonition from Bono:

September
Streets capsizing
Spilling over
Down the drain
Shards of glass splinters like rain
But you could only feel
Your own pain

Wake Up Dead Man
My favorite song on the album. It's a prayer made in time of question and desperation and an order to wake up, wake up and take care of me and my needs.

Jesus, Jesus help me
I'm alone in this world
And a fucked up world it is too
Tell me, tell me the story
The one about eternity
And the way it's all gonna be

Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man

Jesus, I'm waiting here boss
I know you're looking out for us
But maybe your hands aren't free
Your father, made the world in seven
He's in charge of heaven
Will you put in a word in for me?

 

Bono and the boys were approaching the ago of 40 when this album was written and released. It's a time of reflection and recollection of those lost and moments that could have been different. For these lads, 1980-1997 was a blur. Red Rocks, Live Aid, Joshua Tree, Rattle and Hum, using satellites to talk to the world. You also take stock in the fact that you've worked hard enough and earned those times of joy, whether it's at the Playboy Mansion or at Miami.

Stick It To Ya - Slaughter

Released on January 23, 1990, Stick It to Ya was released at the end of the makeup era of the hair bands. The PMRC need not worry about the content of this album. The songs were heavier and however the power ballads were all seemingly an octave higher. This album was also safe. It wasn't filled with the angst of Guns N Roses, the songs became anthems, like Up All Night and Mad About You. 

While the band was at first synonymous with Up All Night, many of us remember where we were the first time we saw and heard Mark Slaughter singing Fly to the Angels. That voice hitting those notes of song written for someone long lost, of course romanticized by a Amelia Earhart figure in the video.

Even with a follow up album and a song in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, coupled with the loss of their guitarist, Slaughter wasn’t a long standing 1990’s band. However, their impact still stands as a great of our 90’s music legacy.


Eye to Eye
Burning Bridges
Up All Night
Spend My Life
Thinking of June
She Wants More
Fly to the Angels
Mad About You
That's Not Enough
You Are the One
Gave Me Your Heart
Desperately
Loaded Gun

Why I Float: My Journey Of Float Tanks And Sensory Deprivation

PMCarlson 2016

Floating was introduced to me by a friend who, like me, was looking for the perfect way to get rid of stress. I always seemed to have that nagging knot in my shoulder or persistent headache that neither my chiropractor nor massage therapist could end. I started to do my research ... just what is floating?

I discovered it wasn't just floating in a tank of water. It was being suspended in a tank of body temperature epsom salt water in complete darkness and silence. I was sold. 
My mind is constantly going, which I figure, meant the stress could never be turned off. The mere idea of having an excuse to be anywhere in silence and darkness and not have to answer a phone or email felt heavenly. 

So I went to Lift/Next Level Floats in Brooklyn for my first float. The facility felt so very zen. You remove your shoes and can sit and have some water or tea while you're given an introductory video to watch. I also had some insider tips from my friend ... all seemed to end with 'don't get the water in your eyes.' I had options: a float room or a tank. I  chose the room (I have since tried both). You can keep the lights on or turn them off. After showering, I was ready to climb into the water. 

PMCarlson 2016

It really was the perfect temperature. I placed a small towel around the door handle (in case I had any water anywhere near my eyes) and then closed the door. The magic blue lights and overhead stars were still on. I am guessing everyone tries to not float in the tank when they first get it. You just cannot. The epsom salt give you buoyancy like the Dead Sea...don't fight it. I decided to forgo the ear plugs and neck rest and just laid back and floated. Seemed easy enough. 

Eleven from Stranger Things

But what do you do for an hour in the tank? Once I was ready to turn the lights off, I was ready to discover. I made a list of what I didn't want to think of in the tank: work, work, and to do lists. I used some Transcendental Meditation techniques and I have to say that set me on a pretty clear path about what the float tank and sensory deprivation tank was about: self. 

Letting my mind go, I ventured to the purpose of self through my family lineage, felt as if I was traveling down a river, and once realized I thought my eyes were closed but they were really open. My muscles relaxed. My mind wandered. If thoughts wandered to work, I imagined putting thoughts on the shelf, but then they turned into kittens. Your mind is a wonderful thing, friends. The hour sped by.

 As floating guru Michael Hutchison made clear in his book, floating isn't just about being in the tank. Floating benefits also occur for hours and days following a session. 
I've noticed myself paying more attention to details in the sky, in people, and in myself. Physically, the benefits of floating for being a type-A and an athlete are astounding. No more knots in my back and shoulders, quicker recovery time after workouts, and problems don't seem to get me rattled so much. 

Do I recommend floating? Absolutely. If you're claustrophobic or afraid to be in a space without the lights on, you can leave them on.  If you're afraid that you can't go an hour without your phone, then you really need this. You need to get get re-introduced to your mind. 

It's been over a year since I have been floating. I've even tried extended floats. Nothing has helped me mind, body, and soul as much as floating and sensory deprivation have. I am forever indebted to Lift/Next Level Floats in Brooklyn and to my friend who introduced me to this life changing practice. 

This song is always in my mind when I float, because I am in my Blue Room.

Blue Room by U2