Evenflow: Mindful Distance Running

Mindfulness: A mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I never thought of associating mindfulness with running. I used running to practice mindfulness. Recently, I had an epiphany while running. But first, let me take you back a year to where this story begins, or so I realized after my epiphany. 

2019 marks my tenth year of running. A handful of marathons, a boatload of halfs, and many mornings crying at the top of the Harlem Hill because I was just tired. In 2018, I had set my sights on a race in every borough, and kicked off the year with three half marathons in three months. With my goal of each borough coming closer, I was getting busier at work. In late August, I mentioned to someone I felt like running was starting to feel like work, like a check in the box of my day. Then injury. Then mental fatigue. I missed the last two boroughs. I was really tough on myself and even more so that I wasn't enjoying the run anymore. Yes, I said it. It wasn't fun and it felt like a chore. But being so competitive, I decided to start my 2019 with a half marathon to make 2018's non-finished goals obsolete. 

Did you know that when you work and run yourself (and maybe party yourself) too much and don't get enough sleep, you can get sick. And did you know that after being sick for four weeks and you ask your doctor if it's still okay to run 13.1 miles in forecasted weather of 38 degrees and rain, he'll look at you the same way your mother would if you asked the same thing...and then lecture you about rest physically and mentally. 

Rest and the best negroni I've ever had in my life actually helped. It also gave me some good time for thinking. Why do I run? I run a 9 minute mile comfortably, so I'm not going to win any marathons. I'm only competing against myself, I realized. It was between that negroni hangover and getting am email about a distance medley in Boston that I made a conscience decision about running: be mindful.

I wanted to make running fun again. With only four races on my calendar this year, training would have to pass some standards: Have you slept enough? Are you hydrated? Do you really want to run? And then if those questions pass the test ... enjoy the run. Look at the sunrise, assess how you feel, and get into the groove of your tunes. Also, knowing one of my races is a half marathon for charity also helps in reminding me that I am running for a reason. With the continued help of sensory deprivation floating, I have found that I'm able to focus so much more while running.

I admit that when I told people my first race this year was going to be a 5K, I was a little embarrassed. A 5K? But I was going to own that 5K. This 5K was also going to cross the famed Boston Marathon Finish Line on Boylston Street.

 After some good weeks of training, and two days of eating my way through the North End, race day was here. I consciously decided not to run with my headphones. I only did this before for the NYC Marathon, because the crowds carry you most of the way. I wanted to experience Boston. Little did I know that people would actually line Commonwealth and Boylston and cheer us on. As we passed mile 2 and rounded up to Boylston Street, the impact of where I was hit. And then I realized, Pearl Jam's Even Flow was playing as I neared the Library. It was the moment that I crossed that line that the crescendo in the middle of the song hits, as if the music gods blessed me with an impromptu soundtrack. (see 4:10 in the video). I probably had the same silly grin that Eddie has as he hits the sea of welcoming mosh pit hands (at 4:15).

All the way to the finish, the "just a 5K" was behind me. The year of pushing myself to not enjoy the run seemed behind me. And in front of me was the finish line ... and then the rush to Record Store Day.

It was an exhausting way to find out all of this, but really, I had to take the journey to get it. It's okay to say you're tired mentally and physically for a run. It's okay to say you're going to hit the pool instead. Just like mindful practice at work or in your life, you need to be present in running. I don't have to run every race and I don't have to run every day. Sometimes, running is good for your mindfulness practice, but if it's just running from a stressful day or your running to work out frustration, the run itself becomes frustrating. 

Even flow
Thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh he don't know, so he chases them away
Someday yet he'll begin his life again
Life again, life again

~Pearl Jam