Friday, April 4, 2014

I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people.

 
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child. 
excerpt from Kurt Cobain's  suicide letter 1994
 
 
 
I am sure that most my age remember where you were when you heard the news. It was the day the music died for us. April 8th, 1994 will be forever remembered for me as standing in my neighbor's laundry room hearing that Kurt had died three days earlier from his own demons and guilt that he wasn't enjoying his life as much as he should. Kurt Cobain was 27.
 
Born in 1967 in a town he would grow to hate, his parent's divorce shaped the angst-ridden, gifted artist very early on in life. 1991 introduced us to Seattle grunge. Being a middle school student full of confusion, angst, and happy that the fall's newest fashion would be Washington State flannel, ripped jeans and boots, Nirvana ushered in for us the music of how we felt. Nirvana, along with Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, and Pearl Jam made it okay to feel sad, angry, resentful, and introspective.
 
But besides being a gifted, lyricist, Cobain's musical talent was not noticed by most. While it seemed like he was yelling out his words without a care, Kurt Cobain had almost perfect pitch. Nirvana only released three studio albums, it would be their set at 1993's MTV Unplugged that showed their true artistry.  Kurt's odd request of stargazer lilies and black candles like a funeral was an eerie premonition from this soon to be mythic music legend.
 

 
 
The truth is, whatever you believe, it was Courtney's jealousy, a conspiracy, Kurt has his problems. Be it addiction or issues with his mental health. He was also dealing what he probably felt was being a hypocrite. He wrote his music and played in his band to rebel against the system, to rebel against the cool ones. In 1994, Kurt was being emulated, elevated, and compared to artists that he did not feel he was good enough to be compared to. He didn't want to sell out. He in fact fought with Eddie Vedder over that simple fact. You're famous, you sold out. Today, this is what Eddie Vedder has to say about that:
 
I don’t talk too much about him in respect to Krist (Novoselic) and Dave (Grohl) and I know he said that early stuff about not liking us,” Vedder added. “But there’s a couple of complimentary things that he said in public about me as a human being, which I’m proud exist. But if Kurt were around today, I know he’d say to me, ‘Well, you turned out OK.’ 2009 The Sun
 
Kurt, I believe, was too vulnerable and sensitive to be who he was. Sadly, that is what made him Kurt. And for Kurt, it was better to burn out that to fade away.
 
 
When Nirvana was on the rise, Metallica sent them a fax that read: “We really dig Nirvana. Nevermind is the best album of the year. Let’s get together soon, Metallica. PS, Lars hates the band.”

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